Municipal Art Projects: Bike racks, terrible.

City sponsored art projects are not chill.

While on occasion they may result in an allocation of municipal funds to a much-deserving artist in need of funding and exposure or cull the efforts of some elusive master, bolstering them to enhance the aesthetics of a particular location by fashioning a wondrous and inspiring piece, altering and developing the iconography of the city landscape - they more often than not look like cheap crap.

Something I'd be angry to see in my neighbors yard. Marring the faces of cities across the globe, scarring them with insipid creations of all shapes and sizes. Stupid, stupid stuff.

Perhaps it has something to do with the amount of retardation involved in the allocation of government funds or perhaps it has something to do with a particular project requiring approval from a "board" or "committee". I think about a room full of city employees deciding "democratically" which piece of art will do the most for their city and I get chills. Terrifying.

The results are equally scary.

The monstrosity of choice lately seems to be the bike rack. Propaganda tool of municipalities jumping on the "eco-friendly" wagon, trying to represent their cities as "bike-friendly" by turning bicycle racks into community eye-sores.

I do not want to see people doing shit like this.

I do not want to get close to these things, whatever the hell they are, let alone hitch my bike up to their spindly legs. I feel like my eyes might get gouged out just looking at them.

I don't want to lock my bicycle onto a small dude riding a bicycle. It's awkward for a variety of reasons.

I don't want to lock it to some stupid-looking dog that's fake peeing on my stuff either.

And it's not like the aren't artists out there who could craft a bike-hitching post which is both thoughtfully utilitarian and aesthetically captivating.

So if it isn't some monolithic creation of timeless beauty...

An intriguing work by David Byrne which is both alluring and unsettling...

Or a motherfucking purple and blue Triceratops...

Fuck off with your bike racks already.

They're ugly and they're hard to lock your bike up to, especially if you've been drinking.

Listen up cities! Quit being such cheap-skates with your art funding and if you are going to plaster the city in colorful bike racks then cough up some dough for something unique and well thought-out that doesn't make my eyes want to vomit.

Peace.